Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but...

...Paris Hilton is one of the things that makes this film (yes, I called a movie a film in that snobby esoteric way) great cheese.  And, it's one of the reasons I adore it.  All you haters can suck it!  House of Wax 2005 is better than the original classic. 

"Oh no he didn't!" you might be saying.

Oh yes, I did.

Sorry I'm talking like this, but anytime I think about something featuring a performance by Paris Hilton my IQ drops.  Whatev.

But there in lies the genius of this film. If you go into a horror film with your brain full, you're going to end up sorely disappointed. You just have to check your expectations at the door. You have to suspend disbelief.  If you do that, you open up your mind to what's genuinely good, bad, and so bad it's good within the horror genre.  The casting of Paris Hilton is both genius and wryly funny, and that's just one element that House of Wax '05 has going for it. People decry the film for featuring the heiress. She's not that bad of an actress (I mean, she faked it on that video, right?) and even if she isn't she's the perfect mold for the horror movie - there's always the dumb blonde nympho you just know is going to get slaughtered. And who better to slaughter than Paris Hilton? (Okay, Perez Hilton would have worked, too). But from minute one, you're awaiting that to it does in every horror film. It's perfection.  You know that caricature character in every horror film.  You know she's going to bite it, just like you know the black guy's going to die-off first. 

But besides that little slice, there's so much more cooking here. For example, the cast is a quality horror film cast. Elisha Cuthbert is a nice diversion from the Tara Reid-wannabes that were clogging the horror flicks of this time. And yes, the film is nowhere near as classy as the original. It's different, decidedly eerier and creepier - it's no easy task to make a town with no pay phones spooky in this age of cell phones...but they do it.  I'm sorry to our redneck readers, but rednecks are creepy as fuck.  I know that "Deliverence" does not apply to the redneck or hillbilly nation as a whole, but small, Southern-fired towns scare the piss out of me.

Regardless of what you think - and that's the problem - House of Wax exists as high-grade camp, but still offers a few scares and paranoia. But let's not forget...Paris Hilton fucking bites it. And really, wouldn't that improve every horror film?


  1. Eric Mays also liked Kangaroo Jack. I have proof.

  2. Another fine example of near-cinematic perfection. It tries to be nothing other than what it is.

  3. I saw House of Wax a few years ago, so I don't remember all the specifics, but I recall liking it. Seems like there were a lot of make-you-squirm gore scenes, like the finger tip getting cut off.

  4. I liked this a lot because I saw it at the dollar theater and thought it was going to suck, but ended up being extremely entertained, plus it had a lot of creative kill scenes.

  5. Paris Hilton's kill is priceless. I rewound it like 6 times the first time I saw it.